a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
