Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
