a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
