I just made out with a guy for $7.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
this is an emotional support booty call
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
