you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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