Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You need a sexual gate keeper
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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