WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
