I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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