one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
