Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
