girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
