I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
