i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
