So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
