I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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