how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
