He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
