some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
