16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
