its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
