so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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