I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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