i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
