I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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