i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
