Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
porn star boner night. come get it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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