can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
