No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
