i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
