i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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