sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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