Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
