Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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