Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
