I met the friendliest cop last night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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