my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
