Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I deserve to be covered in dicks
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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