Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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