You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
