I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Randomize
