The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
