New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
