i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
