I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
