i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
