When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
