I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
