I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
