how can u be prego again
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
