I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
