Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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