if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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